Self trust is a system, not a feeling

We have all heard the saying: “Just trust yourself.”

It sounds nice. It sounds empowering. It sounds like something we would love to do. That saying becomes irrelevant if nobody has ever told you HOW to trust yourself. That feeling feels frustrating when you are in the middle of a decision spiral or beating yourself up for breaking another promise to yourself.

Self-trust is not just a vibe you wake up with one morning. It is not a lightning bolt of confidence that hits you out of nowhere. It is built up over time through repeatable and reliable systems. It requires inputs, feedback loops, and regular maintenance.

Here is the framework I coach clients through when they want to stop doubting themselves and feel more secure in their decisions.

Keep Small Promises to Yourself

I am not talking about the big, life altering promises. Of course track those and celebrate them, but track the small actions with equal importance. Tiny actions that you made an oath to do. Drink a glass of water before your coffee. Clear out your inbox. Take a 5-minute walk. Rewire your brain to trust itself. Prove to yourself that you do what you say you will do. It helps you trust yourself more consistently. You learn to say “I got this” the next time a bigger decision needs to be made.

Track the Quiet Wins

I get that we all love a flashy milestone. The huge wins that we can display. Also pay attention to the subtle and consistent progress. Quiet wins compound into self-trust. Honor the day to day and what you maybe previously considered mundane.

Know it is OK to Move Forward Without 100% Certainty

You do not need perfect clarity to move forward. Aim for 80% certainty, take action, and let the experience give you the missing 20%. Indecision is often the fear you will make the “wrong” choice. Most decisions are simply datapoints you can adjust from.

Audit Where You Outsource Your Power

Get a pulse on where you are handing your agency over. It might look like endless scrolling, waiting for other people’s approval, over researching to the point you never act, or avoiding it all together. Reclaiming even one of these areas can strengthen your trust in your own judgment.

Trust does not come from knowing everything in advance. We can’t know it all in advance because life will always have an air of uncertainty.

It comes from honoring yourself by showing up, learning, and adjusting without abandoning your own authority.

Start with the system. The feeling will follow.